It was circular thinking at it's worst. No matter the question, no matter the doubts, no matter the "why am I" it always came back to how quickly Penny had spread her legs and given in to those two men. How could a faithful wife do that?I didn't get much done at work that day. I sat in my office and stared out the window and cursed the day that I'd heard the guys talking about Steve and Marsha. I thought about my marriage and Penny. I thought about her final comment when I left the bedroom about working out the details of the separation. I didn't want a separation! I loved her. There had been some major changes for both of us over the last several months, but none of that made me love her any less. Granted, I was pretty fucked up in the head right then what with all the suspiciousness that the previous night had generated and I wasn't sure how I would take it if I found out for sure that she was cheating on me, but separation followed by a divorce was not an option for me. I loved. "Why do you want me to look like a girl?"My mother pulled to the side of the residential street and put the car inpark. "I am not trying to make you into anything Jamie. I want you to bewho you are. And I want to help you get there. I want to be a part of whoyou are." What?"My mother sighed. "I caught you wearing my pantyhose. You admitted thatyou had been wearing them regularly in secret. How do you want me to dealwith that Jamie?" I don't know." And then you agree to wear them all summer. And you barely protest when Ibuy you some new clothes. You need to decide who you want to be Jamie. I'mtrying to figure it out but I can't do it for you." Oh, okay. Well I, I just don't want to be a girl." Well I'm glad we've established that much." My mother started drivingagain. "Let's talk more about this tonight. I want you to think about it,okay?"I nodded. Did I know who I was? I didn't even understand why I liked towear hose. I wiggled my toes, feeling the nylon that encased them. But.
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